


Wanderer

by Neoniichan



Category: Yuri!!! on ICE
Genre: AU After Ep 3, But They're Still So Cute, First Kiss, Fluff, I'm Sorry For Yuri Rambling, I'm not actually sorry, Internal Monologue, M/M, POV First Person, Present Tense, Seriously He's Pretty Mean to Poor Yuri, Shounen-ai, Viktroll, character study kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 08:24:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8482450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neoniichan/pseuds/Neoniichan
Summary: Yuri has a tendency to over-think things and let his mind wander. Viktor has a way of only making it worse.





	

My mind often wanders. 

When I'm not on the ice, I'm rarely ever focused--my thoughts drift to things they probably shouldn't, and more often than not it causes some form of upset. Thinking about my next program, replaying the choreography and the music in my head usually turns to wondering if I'll be able to skate it well in competition, which leads to the blatant reality that I'm always so much better in theory than in practice. Meaning that, when it's finally time to compete, I almost always let the crowd into my head, anxiety sets in and I can't focus. I start this same thought process over again, and I'm left flubbing everything--the timing, the speed, the take-offs, the landings, the step sequences.... I just can't recover. Of course, this has lessened since Viktor became my coach. As long as he's watching, I can do my best so that he's proud of me.

Having him standing at the edge of the ice, watching my every move... that gives me a sort of anxiety on its own, but it also gives me confidence. Viktor makes me feel like I can make it back to the Grand Prix, maybe even stretch beyond that some day. He's always gently pushing me in just the right way, knowing when to give and take pressure, and truly bettering me in every way. Before he showed up at Yutopia, I had lost my inspiration; I'd forgotten how I admired him, how following him had made me a better, more passionate skater. My stage fright had always been a problem, though it worsened the higher I moved up in the world, the more I traveled and competed and progressed. The closer I got to where he was, the further away I actually seemed to be. Seeing him skate against me at the Grand Prix finals, I realized that we weren't even in the same league; it was hopeless to pursue him like this.

And despite that, he's living in at my family's onsen in Hasetsu, Kyushu, coaching me because.... I'm actually still not sure why, honestly. It's been months already and it still doesn't seem real to me that Viktor Nikiforov is sleeping literally in the next room down from my own; if I sneeze he can hear it, and that's actually... unsettling. Honestly, he's different at home than when he competes and I found that pretty surprising--he's still the same charming, charismatic, flirtatious European with no sense of personal space, but... he's more relaxed than I've ever seen anywhere else. And has, at the same time, more of an energy, a warmth, a sense of humour....

"Hey Yuri~ You're spacing out again, little piggy," he chimes happily, the evidence of his Russian roots thick on his voice, and I can't help but snap back when something cold touches my nose. Viktor has a spoonful of vanilla ice cream covered in chocolate sauce, hovering just in front of my face and I blink at him dumbly. "Are you thinking about something dirty?"

"What?" It takes me a minute to process what he's asking me, and once I do, my face flushes up to the tips of my ears. It's out of my control. I know better by now to deny it, even when my mind was only on my own circumstances before becoming so close with him. Certainly, if the triplets hadn't uploaded that video, if Viktor hadn't seen it and generated an interest.... I wouldn't have quit skating, but I would no longer be competing, that's for sure. "I was just--"

Viktor's smile is disarming. It's soft on his full lips, which part to bring the ice cream up to his tongue and.... Oh God, I'm staring! I try to tear my eyes away, but it's too late. The spoon has paused and Viktor is laughing at me. My own lips press into a firm line and I can hear my pulse hammering in my ears. How embarrassing. "Don't worry, Yuri. I don't mind if you're having sexual fantasies about me."

This time, I catch his blatant statement before it's even finished leaving his mouth, and my hands slam on the table frantically. "No! It's not like that at all!"

He laughs again, cool as a cucumber. He just likes to get me riled up is all--he thinks of it as a game, probably, and that's the thought that ultimately has me calming down. I can't just get flustered whenever he says something absurd because it encourages him. And then when he says those things.... I can't help it. I think about every time he's ever invaded my personal space, got so close that I could smell the mint of his preferred body spray, a touch of vanilla underlying to soften the edge. I think about the tingle across my lips when his face is only centimeters from my own. I think about the warmth of his body and the strength in his arms, the velvet of his voice in my ear.... I'm effectively not blushing anymore. But there's a pit in my stomach, like I swallowed a brick, and my chest is constricting, my throat feels dry. I try to swallow a mouthful of tea to lubricate it, but when I lift my hand, it's shaking, so I curl my fingers around the cup and hold it even though the hot liquid burns just a little bit. It hurts, but it grounds me in reality, giving me something to focus on other than Viktor.

Viktor. That's right, I did it again. He hasn't said anything yet, so I glance up quickly to see if he's actually alright. His expression is neutral, playful grin completely wiped from every corner of his features. It makes my breath catch as the image is cemented into the backs of my eyelids--when I dip my head and close my eyes to avoid it, I can still see him staring at me. What's worse is that now that I know, I can feel his eyes on me; he hasn't looked away yet. The silence between us is long and unsettling. "Yuri...." He breaks it; he can probably feel the tension as well, and I'm just happy that he broke it rather than waiting for me. It's almost a relief to have sound fill my ears again, and I return his statement of my name with a soft sigh, finally cracking my eyes open to look at him.

I half expect him to apologize for something, with the way he drew out my name, the tone just a little deeper than his normal speaking voice.

But of course, Viktor has this penchant for always surprising his audience.

"You still haven't given me all your eros like you promised." He's back to grinning and I know that he's ultimately won again. There's no recovering from this when I can't even summon the blood to my cheeks to blush. I just stare incredulously because there's nothing else I can do--I should have expected it from him. Viktor has no boundaries whatsoever, and that's something I think I'll never be able to get used to. I can't even correct his statement, because I know he's just going to ignore me and think what he wants anyway. He's frustrating like that. He's wearing this mischievous smile like an arctic fox, and I just tighten my mouth into another frown. Something about the dynamic between us just feels so unfair.

He's so perfect--everything about him. The angles of his face, the way his hair falls, his ice blue eyes. The singsong lilt to his voice. How he doesn't try to cover up his flaws, and instead embraces them because they make him human. In comparison, I'm just.... Thinking too much again, probably.... I realize it when I feel something warm against my cheek and my eyes follow Viktor's fingers as they hold my chin, up his arm to his face which is suddenly much closer than it had been moments ago. I had been aiming for his eyes, but a wave of anxiety freezes my gaze at his slightly parted lips; it hits me what he's thinking as he leans across the table, slowly closing the distance between us. I'm stunned, and though I have plenty of time to turn my head or push him away or tell him to stop, I don't. I just sit still and wait. My eyes flutter closed while my heart hammers uncontrollably, and I wait.

I wait for a very long time.

I crack one eye open, and he's right there--I can feel his breath on my face--and he's grinning again. Ugh. I must have looked so stupid and desperate, and I can feel my lips tingling, and my face is heating so uncomfortably that my eyes begin to sting until I squeeze them shut because I know I'm literally on the verge of tears. Dammit, Viktor. Why do you have to be such an idiot? To think that just a few months ago I was going through intense self-loathing, knowing that I'd never be able to stand in front of my idol and feel like I wasn't completely inferior to him, just to have him show up on my doorstep, change my outlook so drastically, make me feel like I was actually worth something.... Teach me about love.... I feel the wetness on my cheeks; no matter how hard I try, there's just no holding back. I don't make a sound, and Viktor says nothing--he watches silently, then uses his thumb to wipe the tears away. Before I even know what's going on, he's closed the gap as if in apology, and I can't breathe.

It's strange, because it's my first kiss, and simultaneously I think it's also the first time I've ever just stopping thinking. My mind blanks as his lips move against mine, coaxing me to relax as he presses his mouth against mine. My lips part, but it's more instinct than anything else, and Viktor kisses me softly. When he pulls away a whole century later, I'm still trying to remember what breathing is, and he's smiling still. I come back to myself, breathing heavy and staring at him with wide eyes as he leans on the table, face cradled in the palm of his hand. I still can't really tell what he's thinking, and it's totally unnerving sometimes.

I feel settled though, and as the initial panic subsides, I watch him with a little more confidence. He doesn't tell me what the kiss was for, and I don't ask. I don't complain either; if anyone deserves to have my first kiss, it's him anyway--the man I'm in love with. That I have been in love with for a very long time. I'm not going to tell him that, though. I just wet my lips with my tongue, relish the taste of his mouth on my tongue, and then immediately drown it with tea. I check my phone as an excuse to look away, notice the time and sigh. I finally smile. "It's late."

"Oh? So it is. We're training early in the morning, so you'd better get your rest."

I stretch myself out, stand, and start to leave the room, walking by him without looking back. He catches my wrist in his hand, effectively halting me in my tracks, and I turn to look at him. "Yuri...." I stare at him. He's not looking at me, so I can only assume he's about to say something extremely serious.

"Don't be ashamed; if you have a sexy dream, you can always come to me for help," he chirped, looking up at me with the brightest of grins, and this time I'm not even surprised. Nice try, Viktor. I get it, you're a troll. I wonder if there's a reason he won't say what he means, and pull my hand away.

"Thanks but no thanks," is my reply and I turn again to leave.

"Also, you have chocolate on your nose."

I pause, reach up to touch it absently, and feel my face heating again. Of course there's chocolate on my nose. Instead of wiping it away, I just shut the door behind me and shuffle off to bed so I can let my thoughts wander until I fall asleep. Effectively, he's given me so much more to think about.


End file.
